Having a therapist that you connect with can be the greatest driver in the success of your treatment.

You are going to tell your therapist some, if not the most, intimate things about your life. It’s important that this person makes you feel comfortable and confident in your treatment.

My clients tell me things no one else knows — not their spouse, parents, siblings, or best friend from middle school. I’m it. And while that is an honor I never take lightly, I’ve had so many clients say that they have never felt comfortable before.

Often my clients resolve things with me, not only because the treatment methods work, but because they feel comfortable with me. This is because we were a good match.

This post is going to give you the secret sauce for picking the perfect therapist.

You need a therapist that you can tell anything to. You need a therapist that is not going to judge you or put you down. But you also need a therapist that pushes you — in just the right ways, at just the right time.

So let’s get started.

First, determine what your treatment goal might be.

There’s a reason that you are seeking therapy. Maybe it’s for anxiety that you’ve had all your life and you just got the courage to ask for help, or maybe it’s a bout of depression that came on from seemingly nowhere and you can’t figure it out.

Maybe you feel so overwhelmed that you don’t know, but you know you need to work with someone. [Pro-tip: this feeling is likely anxiety.]

Determining why you are going to therapy can be helpful in picking a provider because you can pick a specialist.

For example, in my practice, I specialize in anxiety and parenting related topics, such as adoption, parental burnout, pregnancy, and postnatal support, and attachment-related issues. So if you’re an anxious parent looking to get treatment, I’m your gal!

Most therapists will have a specialty. It is worth it to find that therapist who has years and years of experience helping your specific problem than a generalist. If you’re serious about treatment, you want a therapist who knows the ins and outs of that problem.

Someone with a lifetime of dealing with anxiety is going to be able to help you much better than someone who can’t relate. 

It’s hard to discuss parenting difficulties with a therapist who doesn’t have kids.

Don’t get me wrong, we therapists are great at treating a variety of conditions and are licensed to, but if you want a therapist that gets it, take the time to find one that helps with your specific problem.

Second, look around to find a therapist that matches your specific problem.

In the modern era of the internet, there are several websites that you can navigate to find a therapist.

Psychology Today is the largest directory of therapists on the internet. It’s best to clink into therapists’ websites to learn more. Good Therapy is a similar directory.

TherapyDen is a directory I HIGHLY recommend because it allows therapists to express their personal views and go beyond just a generic intro. This website really helps clients get to know a therapist.

Open Path Collective is a reduced fee website. If you are struggling to afford therapy, and don’t make a ton of money - this is a great place to look for a provider.

Other ways to source a therapist include:

• Looking at your health insurance’s list of providers.

• Asking a friend or family member for a therapist recommendation with help for a similar problem.

• Calling a center with multiple therapists and asking which one specializes in your problem.

• Using Google to see what therapists are near you and what they specialize in.

Third, ask good questions.

So once you have nailed down your problem and some therapists who appear able to treat that problem with the highest level of competence and confidence, it’s time to start asking questions.

But you want these questions to be productive.

Consider first what you need to feel comfortable with a therapist. Below are some questions that may guide this.

• Are there any baises that would make you feel uncomfortable?

• Does the faith of your therapist help make you feel comfortable?

• What age, gender, and race would you feel most comfortable talking to and why?

• What would you need to know about this person to make you open up?

If you don’t feel comfortable, you’re not going to progress in treatment very well.  Prioritize your comfortability over the below consideration. You’ll make more progress with a therapist you “click” with than one you don’t but is a subject matter expert. Humans always prioritize connection.

Next, try and ask targeted questions about how they help your problem. You don’t just want to talk to someone for an hour a week. You want results. You want relief. You want healing! Consider these targeted questions:

• How do you generally treat my problem? What steps do you take?

• What results do people report after working with you?

• What modality of treatment do you use? [Modality refers to treatment intervention - if you want to get really in-depth, consider googling a few to give you more information on how the therapist works].

• What do I need to do as a client in order for your treatment to be effective?

• How much of your caseload has this problem? [If it’s 50% or more this is likely a good match].

• What experience do you have with this problem in specific? [The more interactions the better, someone can treat anxiety across a variety of client populations, with different modalities, in different locations, under different supervision - diversity is good!]

Consider the responses the therapist gives. Did they seem like they knew what they were talking about or were they speechless?

If the therapist gave you good vibes, put you at ease, and made you feel comfortable - odds are your work together will be great.

If the therapist belittled you, seemed unable to articulate how they would help you, or doesn’t pass a “gut check” then move on.

Fourth, book an intake and see how things go.

Having put all the work into sourcing a therapist, your intake session should go swimmingly.

An intake session generally includes a brief health history, an assessment of your current functioning, the formation of your primary treatment goal, and a time to get to know each other.

Make a decision after the intake session if you will stay or not.

It’s going to be part of your therapist’s job to push you, challenge you, and make you grow. This means you may not always like them, but you will appreciate it in the end. So don’t get caught up in constantly evaluating your therapist. If you followed all the steps laid on in this post - you have got a great connection!

Above all, listen to your intuition.

In today’s society, we become more and more removed from the intuition that should guide us. Most of the time if we shouldn’t trust someone or something, we have a little voice inside us that tells us — my advice is to LISTEN.

Take time to reflect on your experience and make a decision without guilt.

Know that the therapist is evaluating things too.

Therapists also want to treat clients that they feel confident with. They want to match with the perfect client, as much as you want to match with the perfect therapist. The greatest gift a therapist gets is to watch their clients bloom.

Therapists are going to want to ask YOU questions too to evaluate if you will be a good match. Be open to their expertise and guidance about what information they need for them to make a decision of their own. Don’t feel bad if a therapist tells you they aren’t a good match for you. They simply just want you to get the best help possible.

Know that most therapists are not marketing gurus, and most won’t have an endless list of blog posts about your specific topic, so feel empowered to just ask: what is your specialty?

As I referenced above, it is not unethical to take on a client outside your specialty. In fact, we can be good at treating multiple things. But you want the best.  And this post hopefully taught you how to find the best.

The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.